Each January, many people arrive at Attunement Centre carrying quiet disappointment
about their New Year’s resolutions. They may share feelings of frustration, self-doubt, or
discouragement: “I started strong and couldn’t keep going,” or “I always seem to fall
back into old patterns.” Beneath these thoughts is often a deeper belief that change
should be fast, linear, and driven by willpower alone. When this does not happen,
shame and self-criticism can take hold (Dweck, 2006; Neff, 2011).
In therapy, we understand that meaningful change rarely works this way.
At Attunement, we recognize that most resolutions focus on outcomes: being more
productive, feeling less anxious, improving relationships, or taking better care of one’s
health. While these goals are understandable, they can unintentionally create pressure.
Research shows that outcome-focused goals are more likely to lead to discouragement
when progress slows (Baumeister & Tierney, 2011). When life becomes overwhelming,
energy shifts, or unexpected challenges arise, many people begin to interpret this as
personal failure rather than a natural part of growth.
Human behaviour is shaped by far more than motivation. Our emotional histories,
nervous systems, relationships, cultural contexts, work demands, and life transitions all
influence what is possible at any given time. Studies on self-regulation and resilience
highlight how stress, sleep, emotional load, and social support directly affect our
capacity for change (Muraven & Baumeister, 2000; Duckworth et al., 2018). At
Attunement Centre, we take these realities seriously. We do not work from a “one-size-
fits-all” model. Instead, we seek to understand you within the full context of your life.
Our work is grounded in attunement, collaboration, and respect for your lived
experience. This means listening carefully to how your past and present relationships,
cultural background, and current challenges shape your goals. Research in relational
and attachment-based approaches consistently shows that feeling understood and
emotionally safe is central to psychological growth (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010; Hayes et
al., 2012).
Rather than focusing only on what needs to change, we explore what matters most to
you. Values-based approaches help connect goals to meaning and purpose (Hayes et
al., 2012). Instead of “I need to exercise more,” we may explore, “I want to care for my
body so I can feel more present with my family,” or “I want more energy for the life I’m
building.” When change is connected to personal values, it becomes more flexible and
sustainable.
At Attunement, we also emphasize the power of small, consistent steps. Research on
habit formation shows that lasting change develops through repeated, realistic
behaviours rather than dramatic overhauls (Lally et al., 2010). Gentle practices; such as
brief moments of mindfulness, setting one boundary, or creating one supportive routine,
often lead to meaningful long-term growth.
Self-compassion is another essential part of this process. Many people come to therapy
with strong inner critics that intensify when goals are not met. Studies show that
responding to setbacks with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment improves
motivation, emotional regulation, and wellbeing (Neff, 2011). In therapy, we work
together to cultivate a more supportive and understanding relationship with yourself.
We also recognize that not every season of life is meant for pushing forward. Periods of
burnout, grief, parenting demands, health challenges, or emotional exhaustion may call
for slowing down and focusing on stability. Research on burnout and recovery highlights
the importance of rest, boundaries, and emotional support during demanding periods
(Maslach & Leiter, 2016). Choosing to care over constant striving is often an important
form of healing.
Change is rarely meant to happen in isolation. Strong relational support plays a vital role
in sustaining new patterns and perspectives (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). Psychotherapy
offers a confidential, supportive space where you do not have to navigate challenges
alone. At Attunement, we view therapy as a collaborative relationship: one in which
curiosity, trust, and mutual respect guide the work.
Many clients also find it helpful to move away from rigid resolutions and toward
intentions or themes, such as “balance,” “connection,” “clarity,” or “gentleness.”
Research on meaning-making and identity suggests that having a coherent personal
narrative enhances resilience and motivation (McAdams & McLean, 2013). These
guiding themes allow room for growth without demanding perfection.
In our work together, we often explore an important question: Who is this goal really for?
Is it aligned with your values and lived reality, or does it come from comparison and
social pressure? Studies on social comparison show that constant exposure to idealized
images and narratives can undermine self-worth and wellbeing (Festinger, 1954; Vogel
et al., 2014). Authentic goals tend to feel grounding rather than draining.
At Attunement Centre, we view change as a gradual, relational, and evolving process. It
is not about fixing what is “wrong” with you. It is about understanding yourself more
deeply, strengthening your emotional resources, and learning how to move forward in
ways that feel meaningful and sustainable.
If you are feeling discouraged about past resolutions, you are not alone. Many people
struggle silently with these experiences. Therapy can offer a space to reflect, reset, and
reconnect with yourself in a compassionate and supported way.
Perhaps the most important intention is not to become someone different, but to learn
how to relate to yourself with patience, respect, and care while continuing to grow at
your own pace.
At Attunement Centre, we are honoured to walk alongside you in this process.
References:
Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human
strength. Penguin Press.
Duckworth, A. L., Gendler, T. S., & Gross, J. J. (2018). Self-control in school-age
children. Educational Psychologist, 53(1), 1–19.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00461520.2017.1406314
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2),
117–140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment
therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality
risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits
formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social
Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674
Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Burnout. Wiley.
McAdams, D. P., & McLean, K. C. (2013). Narrative identity. Current Directions in
Psychological Science, 22(3), 233–238. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413475622
Muraven, M., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Self-regulation and depletion of limited
resources. Psychological Bulletin, 126(2), 247–259. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-
2909.126.2.247
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William
Morrow.
Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social
media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222.
https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000047
